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Monday, May 15, 2006
Wisdom from my Mom
On this, the day after Mother’s Day, I thought I’d write a little tribute to my Mom. I’d heard from friends that being a mother yourself changes your relationship with your mom, and for me that generally means being a whole lot more appreciative of all she’s done for me. She’s been a wonderful guiding force in my life, and I find myself modeling my parenting style after her excellent example. Among the big things I plan to pass along to Declan:
Family matters. Holidays, birthdays, and any other occasion that included a family celebration, either with the blood relatives here or our California “family,� it was always clear that you made time for your family. Friends, homework or anything else would be there when you got back.
Independence is a gift. I was amazed when I entered college at how many of my fellow freshmen could barely function without their mommies. They couldn’t get out of bed, do laundry, manage their own homework or talk out problems with their professors. My mom was a big one for teaching me how to function as an independent adult by letting me slowly take on responsibility as a teenager, starting out with an alarm clock and ending with me having to negotiate through some prickly situations with teachers toward the end of high school. It never occurred to me to be one of those boomerang kids who descend upon their parents, college diploma in hand, rather than go out and face the world. She’s a big reason why I was ready for my own life.
Travel as much as you can, whenever the urge hits. My mom was hit with a chronic, debilitating illness in her mid-30’s, and has always been grateful that she had the opportunity to see the world early on. If she’d waited, she couldn’t have gone at all. She’s always been supportive, if not a little worried, of my global adventures and my choice to live away from Dayton for nearly 10 years. I know she’ll be thrilled when we drag Delcan to all sorts of interesting places.
Shield your children. When my parents divorced, they did an incredible job of protecting me from all their problems. They helped me understand what happened, but without dragging me into the fight or trying to poison me against the other parent. They always presented a united front on parenting issues and discipline. So simple, yet so rare in divorce.
Your kids will always be your babies. I really didn’t get this one until recently. Even the little bit of growing Declan’s done in the last year has been hard to watch in many ways. I now understand why it seems like my Mom, at times, has treated me like a teenager for the last 10 years. I am her baby, and she will always feel that fierce maternal instinct to protect me from harm. It’s so strong, so overwhelming at times, that I can’t imagine the self-control needed to turn it off when your child turns 18, or gets married, or becomes a mother herself. And, as the matriarch of our little clan, that need extends to her precious grandson.
Thanks, Mom, you’re the best.
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