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Hey, John Rosemond: Here’s what you missed
From “Rosemond’s Bill of Rights for Children”:
Every child has the right to discover early in life that he isn’t the center of the universe (or his family or his parents’ lives), that he isn’t a big fish in a small pond, and that he isn’t the Second Coming, so as to prevent him from becoming an insufferable brat.
John Rosemond, “traditional parenting” specialist and nationally syndicated columnist, often exhorts today’s wimpy parents to “get tough” with their kids, withhold positive reinforcement and generally place their own wants/needs/desires over their children’s. Call me easy, but sometimes I just can’t resist putting my kids first.
(Click here to read what one critic has to say about Rosemond’s brand of advice.)
Three instances from a lovely week of parental “weakness”:
— I work at night, therefore it stands to reason that I should sleep during the day. But this spring morning was so gall-dang gorgeous, instead of plopping my 4-year-old in front of the TV so I could catch a few much-needed winks, we laced up our walking shoes and headed to the park. Although I really could have used that nap, mommy’s half-hour workout of swing-pushing made my son’s day.
— I went to work early and stayed late last night so I could take a long dinner break to go watch my 11-year-old daughter’s school chorus performance. How could I miss her debut as a Flying Monkey in their “Selections from ‘The Wizard Oz’?” I simply could not, Mr. Rosemond. And her plastic-cup fez was especially fetching.
— Another evening spent on the sidelines cheering for my teenage boy. Sure, I could have been shopping at Target, attending Book Club or getting a pedicure, but I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. The payoff? When he finished his shot put event, he came over and gave me a big hug before I raced off to work.
These are the kind of silly, fleeting moments that make parenting the joy that it is. All the sacrifices are worth it.
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Comments
By JetPetSeate
June 26, 2011 10:05 AM | Link to this
How so?
By LucyB
April 17, 2010 2:47 AM | Link to this
Seriously?: I guess I am a bit biased against Rosemond. Years ago after reading a column of his berating mothers for working outside the home, I exchanged a flurry of emails with him. While I explained that I was the breadwinner in my family, by consequence and not by choice, and that I was a balance-seeker who practiced common-sense parenting — he didn’t have any words to support his premise that working moms are ruining today’s family structure. Instead, he told me about one of his favorite vacation spots. I’ve just never looked at him the same. But we all have to listen to parenting ‘experts’ with a critical ear, because while those who have been there can offer advice, no one else walks in our shoes. (And the ‘good old days’ of strict parenting that he harks back to turned out plenty of rotten, selfish kids and loveless marriages too.)
By Seriously?
April 13, 2010 9:59 AM | Link to this
I don’t understand this commentary. I’ve never read Rosemond advocating that parents not spend time with their kids. In fact, I get the opposite from his advice. He’s mostly criticizing the extremes of modern parenting. Parents bending over backwards, driving themselves crazy to force their lives to constantly revolve around their children. Mothers stressing themselves out to spend every waking moment with their children and never finding a moment here and there to spend with their friends or husbands. And fathers who now consistently put their children before their marriages, only to have the union fall apart from neglect — which ultimately hurts the kids. I only get that Rosemond is encouraging parents to create some balance - to nurture themselves and their marriages, both of which go a long way toward strengthening parent-child bonds. When they do a better job of balancing their own needs with their child’s, parents don’t feel sapped of energy and patience. And they have a little something left in their reserves to spend on their children. If you try to live a balanced life, then I have no doubt Rosemond would applaud your efforts to skip some sleep and spend extra time with your kids. Your over-generalization of Rosemond’s advice is off the mark, in my humble opinion.
By Lea
April 7, 2010 4:16 PM | Link to this
No, they’re NOT the center of EVERYONE’s universe. But they ARE the center of their parents’. Trust me - I’m only a stepmom and I know this. Nothing beats watching my stepson play football even if it’s sleeting or 100 degrees.
By Monica
April 4, 2010 1:32 PM | Link to this
A nice example of tough love. Keep it up.